Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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