Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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