the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
