Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
