flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
