Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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