Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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