I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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