i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
