How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
