if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's rum buckets o'clock
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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