i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
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Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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