So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
