The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
