And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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