Buhtt sex?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
