im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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