Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
