its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
