btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
