I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
