o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
