the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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