You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
