you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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