apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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