Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
