I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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