Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
