I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and she was petting her beer can
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
