i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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