I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
