similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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