i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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