looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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