so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
