I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
