Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I look excited, but its just a facade.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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