and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
In America we eat man semen.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
