But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
