I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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