its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
