He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
