I just cut my nipple shaving
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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