I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
