dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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