Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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