Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
