Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
