did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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