I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
ok first of all what the fuck
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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