She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
