That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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