Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
