i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Terrible idea I love it
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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