i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
