I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
