I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
