She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
