Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
