I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
