Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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