That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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