Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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