So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
