Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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