There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
