Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
