I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
