Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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