he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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