your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I know her cup size but not her name....
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