ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
