eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
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HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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