Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize