A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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