oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
