I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sarcasm needs its own font
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
