He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
