I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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