its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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