We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
