Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
look no pants
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
