I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
