I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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