I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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